Thoughts of the Desert Bird

So I realized that I haven't really posted much stuff on horse racing, even though that seems to be taking up a lot of my spare time lately because of my independent study. Well, for those who don't know, this weekend was the Breeder's Cup. Breeder's Cup is like a showcase performace for the top thoroughbreds. The top two horses this year are Rachel Alexandria and Zenyetta. Both are female, which is a big deal. In Europe, males and females are raced together, but in America there are ladies races and normal races, and it isn't common to see a female in a race where there is a ladies option, but it happens. Rachel Alexandria is known for going up against the boys, and has won several races against them. More people are fans of RA than Zen, but I like Zen, and so many people want to see the two in a race together, since the estimated purse of that race would probably reach $4 billion (but the owner of Rachel Alexandria doesn't want to). Zenyetta is a 4 year old who is undefeated. She only races with the ladies....until yesterday. Jess had the option of putting her in the Ladies Breeder Cup Classic, but instead enrolled her into the Breeders Cup Classic as the only female. On the online boards, it was obvious that no one believed she could do it, even I had some doubts since she was supposed to be done racing for the year, and I was worried that her owners were pushing her too hard to prove that she can beat not only males, but the best males out there.

The results of the race? Watch number 4:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ud_XPH6Eix4

What the past few days have been...I don't even know where to start. I am mostly running around with hour long naps between doing things. Heck, even writing this post is cutting into my naptime :(

Yesterday and today have mostly been setting everything up. Last night there was a show what went very well, we had the meet and greet. It's just finishing up and I am going to have to go back down at 2am (in about a half hour) to help finish cleaning up. I was able to mingle a bit tonight and meet some really neat people. I ran into Miss Kitty Victorian (kittyvictorian.com) and got to talk to her for a bit, apparently she graduated in the same department as I am in here at the UA...and apparently there are still photos of her up in the Forbes building. Our emcee for the night was amazing, I think her name was Heidi. I also got to watch an art piece done by Julius and Kyrahm, a duo from Rome, Italy down at Dinnerware. The piece was amazing, but not for the faint of heart, especially for those who get queezy about blood and piercings.

I have to get some rest, I have to be up for 7:30 practice tomorrow.

Yesterday started off so well.

Until Nathan. For those of you that go to Eon, you have probably heard of him or dealt with him. I've dealt with mythomania before, heck my sister has it to some degree, but I've never actually met someone with such a severe case of it. Nor have I met one that was so endorsed by others. The first day I met him it was obvious, and it's hard to watch as people don't call him out on it, when the best thing for pathological liars is to call them out on it. On top of it, he has a reputation of going through other people's stuff at Eon, and he is a really big guy, flamboyant as the day is long, but not someone who many people could have physical power as an advantage should a confrontation take a wrong turn.

I don't really want to go into the details of what happened, because it really wasn't as big of a deal as it would have been if he didn't have the disorder. However, I am somewhat proud of myself for standing up to him, actually yelling to his face and calling him out. I am still frustrated that it felt like I got nowhere, but that is always going to be the result of arguing with mythomaniacs. It was interesting to see that, while he and I were going at it, all of Eon just stopped and watched us, before a couple volunteers stepped in and separated us. Later, I was told by youth and staff alike that they had never seen someone stand up to him, even the volunteers from the anti-violence project. When I told Cara and Kevin about it, they fully supported me, along with the rest of Eon. It's weird how no one there really likes him because of his disorder, but no one ever corrects him. Well, I guess he gets banned for several weeks at a time almost regularly, so he does get some passive punishment, I guess.

I know I overreacted, and I know that the disorder makes it so that he has little control over what he says, and I know that he is forcing himself to believe that I am an "attacker". So be it. I've decided that I'm going to call him out on everything he lies about until he actively recognizes it and starts looking for help, which (as many with mythomania) will probably never do. But if I do it, maybe other people at Eon will gain the confidence to do it also, which is better than everyone endorsing what he says.

I knew I'd be stressed by the time it came around, but I didn't expect it to be THIS stressful. All I can really focus on right now is the conference. I wont be performing much, and I will mostly be working on helping to make things run smoothly. We are picking up Kate Bornstein at the airport on Thursday, Dragdom has to be cleared out within 20 mins of the show because Club Congress booked a senator visit right after *bangs head on computer.* I basically have been meeting and practicing with the troop everyday since Thursday, and will continue to do so until the conference is over, and it's definitely getting to some of the members. Tomorrow and Tuesday we wont be practicing, but more relaxing and enjoying our last few days as a group. Tomorrow we have a free acupuncture and yoga session in our practice space, and on Tuesday we get to meet committee members at a free dinner at El Charro. Wednesday we get to pack and move into the hotel for the next five days. Wednesday night is the Kickoff show, which I am not in, but it's going to be amazing. We are still doing "Umbrella" for Dragdom, and Showcase is going to be intense... We had a few people come to watch an early performance of Showcase, and several actually started tearing up at one point.

When IDKE is over, I will be able to focus more on everything I should be putting first. We probably wont have any more shows for the rest of the year, so it will be some good rehab time before we start auditions in January.

Basically, I'm going to be busy all week, so if I don't show up somewhere or seem out of focus on whatever, that's why. Most of us will be working at the conference from, as Dante said: "4 or 5 in the morning till 2 or 3 the next morning." I plan on enjoying the conference when I can, and I hope I can see some of my friends dropping by for some of the events (some events just came out with discounts)

Ugh, so my loan wasn't approved. That's depressing. I am not really sure how to tell my dad...

I'm starting to feel like an emotional punching bag.

one of the coopers hawks flew over me today, barking loudly at some sparrow that was chasing it. It was nice because I haven't seen the coopers hawks since last fall when they were still nesting. I need to look for their new nest and see what they are up to now, since last year it was two females and one male taking care of a single nest.

This morning I walked out and there was a beautiful praying mantis on the railing. I picked it up and held it for maybe two minutes before it decided to fly off.

On my way to class I got stopped by a blind student who needed help finding the modern languages class. It was on the way so I led him to the building.

Allison came to my LGBT class today, it was nice to see her, but the presentation wasn't exactly informative (for me that is).

Right now I am at Eon, hanging out at the lounge.

Ugh, I think I'm going into some kind of depression cycle. I feel like I'm just annoyed with everything for no reason and get upset because I don't have any reason to be annoyed. I guess I'm not so much annoyed as I am frustrated. Maybe I'll just use this afternoon to meditate and relax. Some things need to change, but I don't know what.

I feel like I constantly need to be around people, and I've forgotten how to value my alone time. Instead, whenever I am alone I get stressed, overwork myself, and look for any kind of distraction by asking if people want to hang out, chatting online with anyone who has a moment to talk (facebook, public chatroom, etc).

I don't regret how much I've gotten better about coming out of my shell and being social, but I NEED to find some balance.

4 hours of sleep last night. Oh well, I'll just have to go to bed early tonight.

I found my wallet! It's been missing for about 2 or 3 weeks and I knew it was somewhere in my apartment. I was dreading having to visit the DMV, but now I don't have to (*happy dance*).

Nova is still trying to escape now and then, but I think I've got it sealed off enough so that she can't. The first egg is due sometime next week, probably in the later part of the week. All three eggs (even the one that got bound) are fertile and as long as Prince and Nova don't cook them like last time, there should be three healthy babies.

Wow, so last night I was on the computer and dozed off for about 30 mins to an hour. I woke up because the computer was burning my leg and now there is a blister that formed where the burn is. I didn't think it was that hot...

In other news, I normally don't have to worry so much about any of my birds escaping, cockatiels are pretty good at staying in their cage when all the doors are closed, normally not good escape artists. Nova, however has been really making an effort ever since she got better. She's trying to unhook the top opening, and trying to wedge herself through the small opening between the nest box and the cage. I've found her outside the cage maybe 5 times since she had gotten better. Today I escape-proofed the cage for the very first time, so I'm waiting to see if it works.

Heh, Kat told me about this, pretty funny...

http://www.authorsnow.com/ash-by-malinda-lo/

I kinda want to read it...

Someone stole my bike. :(

So a few of us went to the biz tonight, and I ran into Jai, the entire DLP, Sam P, and a dozen other faces that I hadn't seen in a while. The night was okay; crowded, hot, everything I remembered from the last few times I went. There was a girl on the dance floor that had the underage marks on her hands who was obviously not sober.

After a while, she was so drunk that she was stumbling, running into people, and falling off the stairs. Security took her out when they noticed, around the time we started heading out. When Corden and I were waiting for the others outside, we saw the girl (Jessica?) being led out by her friends into the parking lot. When Corden and I noticed that her friends came right back, we decided to look around in the parking lot before we headed off. We noticed the door open to a red car, and when we got there we saw that the girl was half in the car, with her face laying on asphalt covered in vomit.

We stayed there for over an hour cleaning her up, getting her to drink water, and holding her up when she vomited. We called for a cab, but she couldn't say where she lived, each time she tried the cab driver said the place doesn't exist. We tried getting the DJ to call out to her friends twice but they didn't come. After a while, the same guy that left her in the car came back, and I've never seen Corden so mad. He yelled at the guy, who was obviously ashamed, but refused to admit that it was him who left her. We left her with them, so I hope she's doing alright.

And now I'm too tired to stay up.

What a day, I'm going to be so tired tomorrow. I woke up at 3, so I could make it to the first practice of the semester. The horses were stiff from not being ridden all summer, but it went really well. I got to ride Walker, who is an ass to everyone who tries to ride him since he's lazy. He tried to buck me off twice, and pulled through a lot of the neck reining, but I was able to put him in line after the first half hour. After about an hour, we switched horses and I then got to ride Bo, a very large quarter horse who can't lead on his right in a lope. He's also stubborn and lazy, but as long as you get after him, he'll listen. Apparently he had his 4th colic in 2 years this past summer. He is one lucky horse, most horses don't live through one colic without a vet, and he survived 4, all without vet assistance. We got to mostly play games this morning like walking tag, and pass the egg. There are some familiar faces on the team, like Julie, and some new. Not everyone was there this morning, so I'm hoping that I'll see more on Tuesday morning. There are about 7 or 8 total on the team, and only 4 of us were there this morning. I wasn't really planning on going this morning because I have an early class tomorrow, but when I woke up I decided that I'd go for it (yes, I know that I will regret it tomorrow, but what's a few less hours of sleep when I'm already deprived of so much already?).

I think I'm going to go in to the doc soon. I want talk to them about a different option than the hormones I'm taking to help with cramps. I started them up again but noticed that they don't really have that great of an effect, and they make me feel sick in the mornings. I think I also want to bring up my sleeping problems as well. I don't want anything that will knock me out for hours on end, but I do need something to help me sleep past sunrise on days that I don't have class early. I know that I can't take my course load, show team, and Boys R Us if I am not getting enough sleep, and this past week I've slept an average till 6am (even on the days I was up till 2am). Maybe it will help when I'm actually back on some kind of regular class schedule.

I got back home around 8, and left again around 9. Decided to hang out at Cafe Passe before heading downtown to Boys R Us practice.

So I am back. My mom drove me and her dog Bella (yes, named after twilight... my little sis loved the book).

Right now I'm prepping for the photo shoot which is going to be on the border. Going to be stressed for time today since I still have to get to Target before 10am to pick up a white tank. I also have to do the 2 hour car ride in binders and everything except facial hair. I'll only have a half hour for facial hair so I will probably just go with mascara and burnt cork. I miss doing real hair but it takes so long and it's so uncomfortable that it's not the best for shows. I also found out that I'm not the only one in the photo shoot, we're prepping for IDKE and have to kill two (or five) birds with one stone. These photos are for the conference only, so my facial hair is not going to be a big deal.

So things have been going alright. I am going to my cousin's tonight today goodbye. She is leaving this weekend to Ohio to start her freshman year in college. Scary.

So my mom wont pay for insurance, but that isn't stopping me from trying to get a van.

I have yet to see either of my sisters. Jen has been working and living at grandma's, and Kristen has been at Las Vegas but will be back later tonight. I have been staying at my mom's place and it's been going pretty well. She has been a lot more bearable than she's ever been since I've been here. Maybe she's just happier not having contact with my dad. whatever the reason, it will probably end on Tuesday when Jen comes over for dinner.

Today I went to Alyssa's birthday party. It's so weird how big she's getting.

I found out yesterday that I've got a photo shoot next Sunday with Sway. I've only done the shoots with Rachel, so it will be interesting to see what Sway wants to do, especially since she's more into the dark/elegant photos. She's got a lot of neat stuff on her website: swayphotography.com. We'll see, I have to really put the facial hair on well, instead of just using makeup like I have been doing the past few shows (so much easier, and less frustrating).

So I am taking a surprise trip to Phoenix today, and wont be back till the 15th. It kind of sucks, because I was hoping to stay in Tucson, and am going to miss the beginning of monsoons here. Well at least I will be back before all the dorm residents come back.

My youngest cousin's 5th (?) birthday is this weekend, which is why I am leaving today and not Monday, like I planned. My grandma is going to pick me up from the greyhound station, which will be nice since I miss her a lot.

I kind of have a feeling that my mom wants me back in order to confront Jen...So I am going to be in the middle of everything...again...

It feels like I got no sleep last night. What little sleep I got was still very restless. It feels like its been a while since I've slept in an empty apartment, and I guess I'm good at spooking myself.

Right now I am at the Union, internetting it up since I don't have cable right now. Going to start it once Kat gets back, since I can never figure it out.

Its weird how some of the conference services people that I worked with last year don't recognize me when I wave to them across the room.

I applied for a private loan from Wells Fargo, requesting a miracle amount of money. They approved it! Problem is that I need a cosigner, and I doubt my parents will cosign it, even when they know how much I've been struggling with money. I made sure to request enough that if I get it, I can buy a decent used van. That will 1: help me in finding a job off campus, and 2: give me more time to get back to campus after show team practices (so that I'm not late for Sign Language 3 every Tuesday). If my parents don't cosign, I may have to ask my grandma (hopefully I don't have to put her in that position).

I have a feeling that practice is going to be brutal tonight. Dante was very clear about bringing our calendars and notes. I also found out that I can't perform in the IDKE Kickoff show (under 21), which I guess isn't that big of a deal, since we are going to be swamped with so much during that time anyway. I will be able to perform a different day, just not the first show of the conference.